www.canadianstories.net

Volume 14, Number 77, February/March 2011


The Months of the Year Explained
by Allan Liggins

Forget all that you may have read in your dictionary about the names of the months of the year. All of those Latin words which the Romans had coined for mythical gods, ancient leaders, planets, and the months of their own calendar. The good folks who create dictionaries certainly try to present true and correct definitions, but someone has been pulling their legs. After extensive research, the real meaning of the names of the months of the year have been discovered and are presented below, for the edification of the esteemed reader.

1. Januweary: The month when people become tired of paying the debts accumulated the previous month.

2. Febuweary: The month when citizens of Greater Vancouver, Canada, have grown sick and tired of three months of dampness, mist, drizzle, and rain, rain, rain, while citizens of the rest of Canada are sick of three months of frost, cold, ice, and snow, snow, snow.

3. Marsh: The month when snow melts and one cannot find a dry place to sit.

4. Ape will: The month when even a foolish ape will feel good about the end of winter.

5. Mae: The month when Mae may, or may not, plant her garden.

6. Joon: In the month of Joon, you may soon hear a loon, in a swoon, call a toon.

7. Jew lie: The month when my hard working Jewish friend may be slightly tempted to call in sick, then go lie on the beach.

8. Awe just: The month when folks say, “Awe, just one more day of vacation left to enjoy.”

9. Septembeer: The month when engineering students return to class but have not yet entered into serious study of angles, forces, waves, molecules, and other things mysterious.

10. Ochtobeer: The month for Germans to celebrate Ochtobeer Fest.

11. No remember: The month when people cannot remember where they put the Christmas gifts they bought on sale at the beginning of the year.

12. Die seem burr: To die of cold may seem probable as you shiver, “Burr”.