14, Number 77, February/March 2011 The Months of the Year Explained by Allan Liggins
Forget all that you may have read in your
dictionary about the names of the
months of the year. All of those Latin words
which the Romans had coined for mythical
gods, ancient leaders, planets, and the
months of their own calendar. The good
folks who create dictionaries certainly try to present true
and correct definitions, but someone has been pulling their
legs. After extensive research, the real meaning of the
names of the months of the year have been discovered and
are presented below, for the edification of the esteemed
1. Januweary: The month when people become tired of
paying the debts accumulated the previous month.
2. Febuweary: The month when citizens of Greater
Vancouver, Canada, have grown sick and tired of three
months of dampness, mist, drizzle, and rain, rain, rain,
while citizens of the rest of Canada are sick of three
months of frost, cold, ice, and snow, snow, snow.
3. Marsh: The month when snow melts and one cannot
find a dry place to sit.
4. Ape will: The month when even a foolish ape will feel
good about the end of winter.
5. Mae: The month when Mae may, or may not, plant her
6. Joon: In the month of Joon, you may soon hear a loon,
in a swoon, call a toon.
7. Jew lie: The month when my hard working Jewish
friend may be slightly tempted to call in sick, then go lie on
8. Awe just: The month when folks say, “Awe, just one
more day of vacation left to enjoy.”
9. Septembeer: The month when engineering students
return to class but have not yet entered into serious study
of angles, forces, waves, molecules, and other things
10. Ochtobeer: The month for Germans to celebrate
11. No remember: The month when people cannot
remember where they put the Christmas gifts they bought
on sale at the beginning of the year.
12. Die seem burr: To die of cold may seem probable as
you shiver, “Burr”.